Chinese Proverb: The most difficult battles in life are those we fight within

I have  thought long and hard on how I could write this post. Finally the answer came today.

This morning I began reading a new book...







 "The Rent Collector" by Camron Wright has on its very first page two ideas, that very simply sum up my thoughts. The first, is the name of this post. The other, I will explain.

Recently I was chatting with a group of woman, who like me, are blending a family. One of them asked me if I have a hard time with the idea that my husband has been married before.

 The idea of her husband loving another woman, having children with another woman, and basically having a past life with another woman, she said was at times, agonizing for her. She constantly struggled with feelings of jealousy and inadequacy. She struggled with it frequently and even felt like these thoughts were damaging to her marriage now.

A few of these women also mentioned having extremely negative feelings towards their husband's ex. These women had either been in confrontation, had been attacked in some way by their husband's ex, or the ex had been a source of drama and stress in their life.

One woman said: "I just don't know what to do. I feel like no matter what I do, I can't get rid of these horrible feelings. I don't want to hate,  and I realize that hate is such a strong word, but I have a hard time not feeling hate towards her."

 I believe these feelings of competition,  jealously, and hatred  can cause a huge problem within our families and marriages. I also belief they are common.

That's why we should talk about it.

I'm not an expert, so the only things I can add to this conversation are those I have been able to do to prevent these feelings in my life.

First, I try to always have a forgiving heart. (Read my last post: Forgiveness...a Gift)

Second, I have come to the realization ( and this took some time ) that my husband (the exact way he is today) could not be possible without his past. This includes ALL of the people of his past. He is who he is (ie. amazing) because of all of those things that happened to him.

How could I not be TRULY THANKFUL for all past experiences and PEOPLE who have made it possible for my husband to be WHO HE IS and to BE MINE.

I have to be. I AM eternally thankful.

This idea helps me let all of the other *stuff* roll off my back, instead of creating an emotional burden. I just need to look at my husband to remember.

"The Rent Collector" starts with this quote:

"When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky."  -Buddha

Everything you have is here because of the past. It truly is PERFECT. Even if "things" aren't always perfect.

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Let me mention one more thing because I think it is important. I know I am always preaching the power of prayer but I want you to think of taking it one step further.

We believe in praying for our enemies. ie. Matthew 5:44   

"But I say unto you, ^aLove your ^benemies, ^cbless them that ^dcurse you, do ^egood to them that ^fhate you, and ^gpray for them which despitefully use you, and ^hpersecute you;"

 

My sister and I once had this conversation. I vented my frustrations about the person and she had a simple answer. She told me to call and put their name on the temple prayer roll. She mentioned that she did this often and that it helps.

The idea completely took me aback for a minute. I couldn't put THAT name on the prayer roll. That name was the very cause of my anguish! But I wanted to believe her.

I realized I was wrong. I knew my sister was right. (She always is.)

But I couldn't do it. Not then. Not yet. I told her I thought that was a great idea, but could she please do it for me until I was ready to pick up the phone and do it myself.  She did.

Today I can.

I would always suggest praying for your enemies and the ones who hurt you most in this life.

Healing happens when we can swallow our pride and pray for good things to happen for them.

(It's just not always easy) :-)

Don't give up.

Love, Barb

Do you have something that works for you? Either comment or send me an e-mail and I will publish your ideas on the blog. I LOVE YOUR INPUT!!

barbhasmail@gmail.com