Troubling Signs to Watch for In Your Children...By Jessie

Things you should watch for in your children:

1.      Grades go down. When going through a divorce, talk with child’s teachers to let them know of the situation. Most often, children’s grades will suffer during this hard time. Let your child know that if they need extra help, teachers and tutors are available and more than willing to help.

2.      Loss of friends. Let children have friends over and go out with friends. They may need an “out” and want to just feel normal. Be aware of where they are and who they are with, but let them make new friends. Sometimes starting a relationship when parents are getting divorced helps fill a small portion of that void.

3.      Change in dress. Girls, for the most part, will stop taking care of themselves through this time. This is a portion of depression and it’s important to help your children feel good about themselves emotionally, as well as physically. Especially for younger girls, help her with makeup, hair, and dressing. Watch for this sign in young men as well.

4.      Always needing a boyfriend/girlfriend. Sometimes children feel that through divorce, they need to find an intimate relationship with someone. It’s okay for them to date at the right age and time in life; however, if they are constantly dating and needing a boyfriend, they may feel alone when they are single. Push for group dates and meeting a lot of people. It’s okay to date, but be aware of who they are with and create rules for curfew, activities, etc…

By Jessie 

Boas and Top Hats... By Jessie

Every family has a great family photo. It seems like it's smack dab in the middle when you walk into their house. We had one, with the 4 of us, but it was taken down after Dad moved out. For some reason, a home doesn't seem a home unless a few walls are filled with pictures. Our wall was empty.

We always had our family photo's taken at Yuen Lui, a nice photography studio in Portland. Every photograph was usually with all of us matching somehow, and very posed. "1, 2, 3, smile!" This time was much different.

I heard Mom upstairs. It was only a few minutes until she came down with an armful of purple, sparkled boa's, and a few top hats. (From our dress up box we used to play in). "Go get your black high heeled shoes, Jess!" I ran and got them, to see what in the world Mom was up to. Both Rox and I got our shoes, and she handed us a purple boa and top hat. "We're going to get pictures done tonight!"

I was a bit confused, but at the same time so excited. Why would I wear this!?

She told me, and I'll never forget, "We're taking on the world ladies! We're going to dance and have so much fun tonight, and get our pictures taken."

It was THE BEST photo shoot we ever had as a family. Silly pictures of us with top hats on and purple boa's, and black and white outfits. We looked like tap dancers almost, but with some attitude. 

The wall was filled finally, and this time, with a silly picture. It reminds me everytime I'm home visiting how instead of taking an icky situation, my mom had us dance right through it.

My advice to parents is to just have fun during the hard times. Take crazy pictures. Go dance in the rain. Play board games until 3am with your kids. Just be silly! Fill your walls with great memories of you, and fill your home with a peaceful and fun place that your children feel safe. It makes all of the difference!

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 I love this story by Jessie and I have to admit it brought me to tears. I remember a time in my life when I did exactly what she is suggesting. I also remember how wonderful it felt to laugh, have fun, and forget for just a minute all the hard things that were happening in my life.  It was good for me and it was so very good for my children. I would like to suggest that everyone do this at least once and maybe even more than once and maybe even OFTEN. I think it's time I do this again. This is my silly picture:

 Thanks for reminding me Jessie...

A post from another inspired writer..

Stephen Palmer is an inspired writer and the mastermind behind http://lifemanifestos.com/ I would suggest visiting the website and checking out his manifestos that you can purchase to display in your home. I especially love the family manifesto that you can have personalized. Go here to see it:  http://lifemanifestos.com/family-manifesto/ 

 While you are there, subscribe to the weekly inspiration and visit their blog to read past articles. You will not be disappointed. Here is this week's inspiration from Life Manifesto's Stephen Palmer.

Inspiration Weekly

by Stephen Palmer

"S

peed kills."

I read that sticker on the dashboard of a U-Haul truck countless times as I drove 1,236 miles last week.

As the miles and hours passed over two days, I pondered the phrase.

Wax philosophical with me for a moment. This is important.

Technically, I concluded, speed does not kill.

What kills is the loss of blood and function from fatal impact.

Speed can certainly be a causal factor for accidents, which can cause fatal impact.

But if you're going to blame death on one causal factor, why not move further up the causal chain?

Can we not just as easily say, "Driving kills"? And why stop there? What causes us to drive?

In my case, my family and I decided to move. Does moving kill, because we drive to move and we may speed while driving?

And what about the factors that led to our decision to move, the causal factors set in motion long before we ever got on the road to move?

If we can blame death on one causal factor, we can logically blame it on any causal factor -- none of which are technically true causes.

Here's what is true: Choices and actions bear consequences. Wise people learn to foresee consequences and act accordingly.

Says wise man Viktor Frankl,

"Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now."

Read that quote again, will you? And a third time, slowly and carefully. Let it really sink in. It is one of the most important quotes you will ever read in your life.

Live as if you could foresee the consequences of your actions.

Saying "Speed kills" is like saying "Infidelity causes divorce."

But what causes infidelity?

What will be the long-term consequences of how you treat your spouse today? What can you say to or do for your spouse today that will bear the fruits of love and joy decades from now?

Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had seen what happens to your marriage as a result of how you treat your spouse today.

If we say, "Speed kills," we can also say that addiction ruins lives.

But trace addiction up the causal chain and you ultimately arrive at one choice in a portentous moment. One indulgent moment leading to another and another, character and willpower eroding with each choice.

What are you putting into your mind and body today, and what will that ultimately cause? As my friend Kris Krohn says, "I don't have to stick my head in a garbage can to know that it stinks."

Live as if you were already living for the second time and as if you had stuck your head in the garbage can the first time. You know it stinks. How does this change your choices today?

Every thought, every choice, every act is a seed. Seeds take root and bear fruit.

Ultimately, there are only two kinds of fruit: misery and joy.

Misery seeds are deceiving because they feel good when they are planted.

Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had seen the fruits of the seeds you are about to plant now.

Indulgence may feel good now, but how will it feel later? Sacrifice may be tough now, but what will it produce later?

Speed doesn't kill. But it does, like all our actions, carry consequences.