A better way..

4 common sentences you could say to your child in a better way:

1. (When it comes to choosing which house to spend time at.) "It's your choice." I have found that when this sentence is used, even in the most neutral way, it demands a lot from a child. It is often better to say, "You spent last Christmas here, you could always spend it at your [mom's, dad's] house this year." It gives the child an option, while also allowing them to see that it's okay and it won't hurt your feelings.

2. "You're too young to understand." Even if your child is too young to understand certain topics of discussion, whether it comes to your separation or divorce, never make them feel like they are inadequate or too immature to understand- especially while they have lived in the same house (they probably understand more than you think.) Instead, you could phrase your sentence: "Some of these topics are hard for me to talk about. When I feel more comfortable, we can talk then."

3. "I'm fine." Children can see when you're crying, upset, frustrated, angry... just about every emotion. It's okay to not always be the "perfect" mom or dad. If you're sad, it's okay to show that. It allows your children to know that their feelings are normal, and that they can share their frustrations with you as well. You can say in a sweet tone, "Honey, I am having a really hard day. Let's do something to make it better together!" This also allows for bonding time and turns your sad day upside-down.

4. "It's your [mom's, dad's] fault". Try to never place blame elsewhere, even if it is deserved in your mind. Children don't need to be put in the middle of a separation or divorce. If your child does something differently at your spouse's/ex's home that you don't want done at yours, it's okay to know that you have your own rules and ways at your house. You could try by saying, "Your [mom, dad] likes to do it this way. I like it done too, but in this way (give your example.) By making it more positive a sentence, you eliminate any judgments and aren't placing blame.

-Jessie